This post is inspired by
madmomma and
thebride.
Having siblings is something you don't particularly think about unless you yourself are starting a family. But if I have kids I would give my children the gift of sibling companionship. Having a brother or a sister is something special, they are your companions in a way no one else can really understand, they understand private family jokes, they understand your thought process, they will be there when most people will run away. In many ways they are a gift. But no relationship is set in stone, no relationship comes with guarantees. When you grow there is a certain level of respect and space you have to give each other. Something I think sorely lacks in desi family setups, often the older used to being bossy stays dominating their whole life. A pity because you only get to experience the relationship in one sense: of domination which after the years holds no place. Eventually we all grow and gain experiences that make us just as deserving of equality. We pride ourselves on giving respect to our elders and forget that younger ones are just as deserving of that respect. It's easy to view someone from just one shade of coloured lenses, to remember that in school they were naughty and the older one was the one responsible. So 5 years or 25 years down the line they will bring out the same argument, they refuse to accept that people change. Everyday of your life is a new day, each day you live differently, each day you grow. People change, things change, three years down the line I will be someone quite different yet people still see me as what I was aeons ago. It's easy to say don't care what people say, but when it's people you love who say such stuff it's hurtful and extremely annoying not to mention frustrating. It's like you are expected to prove yourself all the time and when as humans you make a mistake they will remember the mistake and take it out to remind you why you shouldn't make your life decisions or think for yourself. It's almost like somewhere they relish your mistakes and failures and keep a diary of everything you have done wrong.
Anyway I digress, back to my own sibling story. We are two sisters in the family: me and Di. DI is 5 years older than me, which is quite an age gap when you are growing up. Maa tells me I idolised my sister as a child, I wanted to wear everything she wore, eat what she ate, have the same blanket, have the same pen, and followed her everywhere. For the longest time I looked up to her for nearly everything. She also took a lot of care of me, she would change my diapers, take care of me at parties, but when she entered her teens and I became the bratty younger sis, we sort of saw each other as a nuisance. Didn't talk to much unless it was to steal her erasers or some pen, or even fight for papa's attention. The usual sibling experience if you ask me: constant bickering and making up minutes later. Di was a strong presence in my childhood. But when I was 12 she left home for college and I started seeing her on holidays once or twice year. And sadly at that period papa also left the house to setup a new business in another country, so he also was rarely at home. Me and Maa were the only two at home, and I became incredibly close to her, I spent an enormous amount of time with her, I would share all my secrets with her. Nearly everything including boys and who I had a fight with, and that's when I discovered how wise my mom is: her advice is always right, I always regretted not listening to her, she always gave the best advice. She knew all my friends, they all knew her, she gave me a lot of space to grow while maintaining a very keen eye on me without my ever finding out. BY the time I reached high-school she had become my most trusted confidante and a good friend, almost like a sister. She always had the courage to see me in a different light and to push me to grow.
When finally it was my time to leave the nest for college, I was slightly apprehensive living with my sister. She is a difficult person, headstrong, stubborn if you will, messy and overly maternal when it comes to me. It's not a happy feeling having two mothers on your back. And when I did start to live with her, many of my fears did come true like how she used to talk about me like I'm still 12 and took me for granted. But in many ways I did rediscover my sister, it's strange that you could be a little cold with your own sister but it did happen, we were a little formal. It took perhaps one month for that civility to pass. Fairly quickly we were close again and I was surprised to discover how motherly I had become of her, I file her papers, post important letter because she gets worried about them. A constant fun companion who laugh at each others jokes even when no one else finds them funny. In my memory we were not compared often(we were usually confused as being close friends) and how would they because we are diametrically opposite people. I'm bit of an extrovert, she's an introvert, we look very different, we have contrary views about the lives we wish to live, about futures, the way we think, talk and behave. I am impulsive and often blurt anything that is on my mind. She thinks a lot and is extremely cautious. I'm organized, she's messy. Poles apart.
Even if at home we constantly fight it would take about half a second for us to unite if a third party attacks one of us, we are fiercely protective about each other. I'm the first one to point out my sister's flaws, but if anyone even mentions them I can practically feel my blood boil in rage and fumes of anger coming out of me. Because this is what it means to have a sibling, having a family always by your side even after your parents have passed away, someone who will be by your side through thick and thin, someone you love so dearly that you would take a bullet in your heart for them. And paradoxically wish to wring their neck about ten times a day.
